My journey back home from the in-patient program can best be described as a “slip”— a slow return to habits that brought me there in the first place. Initially, I was successfully following my meal plan but soon I began to wane off. I started calculating the amount of calories…

Due to the severity of my disorder, getting treatment was partly out of my control. I quite literally would have died if I disapproved of being transferred to an in-patient program. Therefore, after a long night of being in and out of consciousness, surrounded by the headache-inducing lights of an…

I laid in the hospital bed circling back to the question that got me there in the first place. “Why couldn’t I just be skinny like the other girls”, “Why did things have to go so far”, and “Why the hell did it have to be me?”.  I remembered just…

You know that feeling when you believe you are in control but in reality, you are not? That is exactly what it is like to have an eating disorder. Eds work like parasites and latch onto you and follow everywhere you go. Unfortunately, these little parasites have voices that constantly…

When things “spiral out of control”, they often worsen in a way that feels impossible to regain control. However, that wasn’t my experience. Ironically, as my eating disorder began to spiral, I felt a sense of control like never before. I spent every second of my day calculating how many…

Growing up I always found myself questioning “why” to everything but holy crap this was ten times more amplified during the time of quarantine. During the isolation the whole world was trapped in, I succumbed to unbearable boredom and spent endless hours scrolling through social media, especially TikTok and Instagram.…